


Blinded by Fear

by sirmioneforever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 11:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4623219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirmioneforever/pseuds/sirmioneforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione Granger found it hard to believe that one little word could change your entire life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blinded by Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Kim and Ashley for beta'ing. The original couple was Penelope Garcia/Kevin Lynch from Criminal Minds.
> 
> Warnings: angst  
> Length: 4k

Hermione Granger found it hard to believe that one little word could change your entire life.

She had said the word ‘no’ to many people during her life: to Harry and Ron when they asked to copy her homework, to her boss when he asked her to do something she believed was wrong, and when Draco Malfoy asked her to marry him. The last was a relatively new development.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to marry him. It was just that the timing was wrong. She wanted to try to make him understand, to see reason. She wasn’t ready and needed time.

_“_ _Why is the timing wrong?” he had asked, frustrated._

_“There’s just so much going on right now that I can’t even think about it. I still have several trips to Australia to make, I have exams that I need to do for work, and then I have to settle into the department. All of my spare time is either helping to set up the orphanage, or following the leads on the whereabouts of my parents. I don’t have the time to plan a wedding now, but when it’s over, when I have time, and I’m ready I will. I promise I do want to marry you, but just not yet.” She pleaded. She hoped that it would placate him for the time being. But she knew Draco. She knew how stubborn he could be when he wanted something._

_“_ _Getting engaged doesn’t mean we have to marry straight away,” he reasoned. “We can wait a few years until everything settles down, and we can do many of those things together. All I want is to tell the world that you’re mine,” Draco said, trying to appeal to her logical side. It was a brilliant strategy, after all._

_“Draco, I’m sorry—"_

_“_ _Don’t bother, Hermione,” he snapped. “You either want to marry me, or you don’t. I’m not one for ultimatums, but if you say no now then it’s over. I can’t be with you knowing that we want different things,” he said harshly. His face was red with anger, but his eyes shone with hurt. “I respect your right to tell me ‘no’ but I don’t have to pretend that everything is ok when it obviously isn’t. As I said, you either want to marry me...or you don’t. You’ve made your answer quite plain.” Hermione lowered her head. She knew that this was going to be difficult, but she had hoped that Draco would understand._

" _I do want to marry you, but I don’t feel ready to with everything that’s going on. I don’t feel ready for anything more than we already are,” she confessed as her tears started to spill down her face._

_"Then it’s over,” he replied, not a single shred of emotion in his voice. “I will make sure that all your things are sent back to you, and I hope you can do the same for mine.”_

_Hermione nodded not trusting herself to speak._

_Draco walked out of the empty park and left her alone not bothering to look back._

_Hermione crumpled to the floor and let out a huge sob._

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, _she thought._

_Hours or minutes later, Hermione wasn’t sure, someone wrapped their arms around her and tried to comfort her. They were the wrong arms though. These arms were thin, soft, and feminine rather than the strong ones she was used to. She wanted those strong arms to hold her but they never would. The realisation brought another wave of sobs, and Hermione just wanted all the pain she was feeling to end. The arms held her closer and it was like being hugged by her mother. If she hadn’t seen the red hair then Hermione would have sworn that it was._

The next day Hermione woke up with a pounding headache and was barely able to recall anything after Draco had left her in the park.

She was told that he had gone to inform Harry and Ginny of what had happened and that she might need someone to talk to, but neither of them expected to see her in the state that she had been in.

The relationship between Harry and Draco was still tense, but for Hermione’s sake they had agreed to act civilly. The only thing that the two men could agree on was Hermione’s safety and general welfare, and Hermione knew that was the only reason Draco had gone to Harry and Ginny. Hermione asked them what Draco had told them and they said everything.

After much persuading, Hermione took the rest of the week off work, and she did as Draco asked and sent his stuff back to Malfoy Manor.

Her flat seemed different somehow. It was as if all the joy and happiness seemed to have been sucked out of it, and Hermione coped the only way she knew how to: by throwing herself into work despite not actually being there.

This way of life worked for a few months until Luna announced her engagement to Rolf Scamander. Hermione was happy that her friend had found someone who loved her and wanted to spend the rest of their life with her. It was nice to see that Rolf could look past some of Luna’s oddities to see the kind and caring person she was.

It was just painful reminder of what she no longer had.

 *~*

Luna and Rolf held their engagement party at the Silver Dragon. It was a bar co-owned between Draco and Blaise Zabini, and Hermione was nervous about going in case he was there. As Luna was her friend, though, Hermione would face her fear and attend.

When she arrived, the party was in full swing and it took a few minutes to find her friend. “Congratulations, Luna! I’m really happy for you and Rolf,” she told her friend as they hugged each other.

“Thank you, Hermione. I’m very lucky that I found someone like Rolf. Someone who really pushes me to go beyond what even I expected.” She paused for a moment and pointedly stared at Hermione. “Maybe you should let go of your fear and be open to new things,” Luna replied with her usual honesty.

“How did you…” Hermione trailed off. Luna gave her a soft, but sad smile. “You know how the rumour mill is among our friends. You were hurt once, and it’s obvious that you don’t want to be hurt again. However, you forgot that Draco has been hurt as well. Maybe you should tell him your fears and then he will finally understand,” Luna said.

Hermione was silent as she thought about Luna’s rather insightful words. She thought that Draco would see the logic of everything on his own, that she didn’t have to explain herself. She just knew that he would understand that the time was bad, but more than that, she was terrified that she would be hurt again. She took Luna’s hand in hers and gave it a soft squeeze. “Thank you, Luna. Thank you for your always poignant honesty. You’re a good friend to me, even if I haven’t always been the most understanding friend to you.”

“Despite what you may think, you have never let me down, Hermione,” Luna said. Hermione was touched by Luna’s words and vowed to herself that she would think over them tomorrow. Tonight though, she would have fun with her friends.

 *~*

The next day Hermione was seated comfortably on her sofa with a cup of tea thinking about what Luna said the night before.

She was right. Draco had been hurt before and he had been able to trust her, so why couldn’t she trust him? He was completely different from Andrew Carter, and yet she still held the same fears.

Hermione had dated Andrew before Draco, and he had completely broken her heart. At first he had been kind and attentive, but as time when on he became distant and cold. The relationship had ended when Hermione had walked in on him having sex with another witch, and to add insult to injury, he spread rumours that she was a lying, cheating, whore who would spread her legs for every man but him.

She could deal with the cheating rumours; after all, Rita Skeeter had published similar things during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. It was what he had told everyone about her personal life that got to Hermione the most. He had talked about the disappearance of her parents, the fact that she still had nightmares from the war, and it made her feel extremely vulnerable. These were things that she only wanted the people close to her to know and he had told the entire wizarding world. It had made Hermione wary of trusting anyone outside of her friends.

_I_ _must talk to him_ she thought. Although it had been three months since they had split up, Hermione still loved him and her heart ached to be without him. It made her realise just how much he meant to her and that she had made a massive mistake. It was her own fear keeping them apart. Time had been a convenient excuse.

Hermione got up and walked through her flat to the spare bedroom that was being used as an office, sat behind the desk, and got everything ready to write the letter. Her hand, however, hovered over the fresh piece of parchment as words failed to come to her. How was she supposed to write a letter for him when they hadn’t had any contact in three months? Again, fear was keeping her from something she wanted. She took a deep, calming breath and wrote the words she longed to say to the man she loved.

_Dear Draco,_

_I know that it has been three months and I have made no attempts to heal this chasm between us. However, having gone for so long without you, I simply feel the need to try and reach out, just simply talk to you. I would understand it completely if you rejected me, but I feel the need to try and explain myself, though I cannot fathom how you could ever begin to forgive me. Please, give me this chance to explain._

_Love always,_

_Hermione_

Hermione read and re-read the letter before sending it off and hoping for a reply.

A few days later, Hermione was shocked to see Draco’s owl fly through the window and onto her table. The owl stuck its leg out for her to take the letter and then flew back out. Hermione opened the letter with shaky hands and had to put it on the table to be able to read it properly.

_Hermione,_

_It is with much deliberation that I have decided to give you the chance to explain. But please understand that I cannot promise anything else. I’ve suffered heartbreak once, and I survived. But, I don’t think you realise just how much you hurt me when you rejected my proposal. It hurt me more than Astoria’s confession ever did._

_Meet me at Hunter’s Park on Thursday afternoon at two-thirty._

_Draco Malfoy_

Hermione fought back tears as she read the line about Astoria.

Draco had been engaged to Astoria and it hadn’t ended very well.

Hermione remembered the full conversation they’d had in the Leaky Cauldron just after it happened.

_Hermione was seated in the Leaky Cauldron feeling humiliated._

_Her boyfriend of three years had cheated on her, and when she ended things he began to spread rumours about her. None of them reflected badly on him, oh no, it was all about how she was cold hearted, and a tease._

_As she was about to stand and leave, a voice from behind her asked, "Can I join you?" Hermione knew the voice without having to turn around but did so anyway to make sure that she was not hearing things._

_Draco Malfoy stood behind her wearing a well tailored set of grey robes. The colour matched his eyes almost perfectly, and the overall effect of the ensemble made his attractiveness all the more apparent. However, it was not his looks that took her attention. It was the look in his eyes: pity. Obviously, word of her unfortunate circumstances had reached even his ears._

_"Sure. I doubt I will be very good company though," Hermione shrugged._

_"I'm sure you will be," Draco said with a smile playing on his lips. "So, what exactly did he do?"_

_"What do you think he did?” she snapped back, insulted at his prying._

_She felt like such a fool. She had believed that Andrew had been the one that she would spend the rest of her life with, yet he had betrayed her and then viciously went about slandering her to anyone who would listen. He was lucky that she hadn’t hexed his eyes to his arse._

_“He’s a fool. At least you found out before it turned serious,” he said taking the seat opposite her._

_H_ _ermione suddenly realised by his tone that he was no longer just talking about Andrew Carter. She had heard that he had ended the engagement with Astoria, but no one seemed to know why._

_"Is that what happened with…” Hermione trailed off at the look on Draco’s face._

_“She was doing it for the wealth and status rather than the fact that she loved me. I thought I knew her, but it’s obvious I didn’t,” he said bitterly. “_

_I’m sorry; nobody deserves to be treated like that,” Hermione said, reaching for his hand._

_“And you don’t deserve to be treated the way Carter is treating you. If you were mine I would give you everything your heart desired.”_

_Hermione was stunned by his words. She knew that she enjoyed spending time with Draco as they had attempted to become friends. Not just attempted. Both had seemed to believe that they would, in fact, make great friends. Andrew nor Astoria liked Draco or Hermione to spend time with one another. Andrew told her he felt uncomfortable with how close Hermione seemed to be able to act with Draco. Astoria had informed Draco that he was friendlier and more open to Hermione than he was with her. Both of them had simply waved off their partner’s concerns. However, with Draco’s statement now, she wondered if they both didn’t have at least a small reason to worry._

Before the complete destruction of her relationship with Draco, Hermione would only be able to recall the parts to do with Andrew and the line which made her question Draco’s feelings, but now she remembered everything. Having spent so much time contemplating what went wrong, where she could have fixed things, if things even needed to be fixed, she had gone over their every interaction. She questioned everything they’d ever shared. She knew that Draco loved her. It was only too obvious. And it was wrong to punish Draco for the sins of someone else. But her fear was more than she could handle.

But now she felt like she had to take action. Somehow, Hermione had to make it right and she knew that it rested on their meeting tomorrow. Finding that she couldn’t focus on her work for the rest of the day she cleaned her whole flat and let the memories of her relationship with Draco wash over her.

Every memory looked different to her somehow, and maybe it was because she wasn’t seeing it through the happy lens that she once was, but from a neutral one. She saw the looks of doubt and insecurity on Draco’s face in some and felt guilty for not picking it up as it happened. Maybe if she had then they wouldn’t be in this position; maybe they would have talked about things sooner.

_It’s no good thinking about what ifs. What’s done is done_ a voice in her head reminded her.

Hermione sat on the edge of her bath and sighed. She had to face the fact that she had been so caught up in her insecurities that she had never seen his. How could she have been so stupid not to realise that he was putting his heart on the line by proposing to her?

_Because I was too focused on myself I didn’t see what was going on with him_ Hermione thought.

The evening was spent writing quick letters to Luna, Harry, and Ron informing them of the meeting between her and Draco. She thought that it would be better to tell them now just in case things did not go to plan the next day.

 *~*

The next morning was as bright as a spring morning, but still had the chill of autumn and Hermione prayed that it wasn’t a sign.

As she got dressed, Hermione rehearsed what she was going to say to him. She had to get the words right otherwise it would sound wrong, as if she was somehow blaming him for their predicament when Hermione knew it was all down to her.

When it was time to leave, Hermione looked into the small mirror hanging in the hall, “You can do this, Hermione. Just tell him the truth and it will be fine.”

She took a long, deep breath and Apparated to Hunter’s Park. It was a few miles from Malfoy Manor and a place which they had spent many summer afternoons.

She could see him already sitting on the bench that they had unofficially made their own.

As Hermione drew close she could tell from his posture that he was tense, and that made her feel nervous. “Hello, Draco,” Hermione said softly as she sat down.

He turned his head towards her, eyeing her critically. “What is it you wish to tell me?” he asked. There was no greeting, no warmth behind his words and the coldness of them caused her to shiver.

Hermione felt as if she had been slapped. Not since they were children had he spoken to her so harshly. It was exactly the motivation that she needed. She had to make this right. She had to make him understand.

“I’m sorry,” she said already having to hold back the tears.

She hadn’t realised just how much she loved and missed him until he was sitting here beside her and she couldn’t do anything about it.

“If that’s all you’re going to say then I’m going,” Draco said getting up.

“It’s not.” She quickly moved to stop him. “It was just the first thing that came into my mind when I saw you.”

Draco sat back down and turned to her once again. He sat silently waiting for her to continue.

“I was holding back because I didn’t want to get hurt again, and in the process forgot that you had once been hurt too. I’ve been thinking things over the past few months. Little things like facial expressions and words which didn’t make sense at the time but do, now. I was stupid not to see them. I was blinded and selfish by my own insecurities that I never thought of yours. I’m not excusing what I did. It was wrong of me to only think of myself and not you. I’m not going to ask for forgiveness, I’m not even going to ask for another chance. All I want is for you to know that I realise that I was wrong, and that I do love you,” Hermione said mentally grimacing.

The words had just tumbled out and it sounded nothing like Hermione had rehearsed whilst she had been getting ready. Draco stayed silent for a while after hearing her confession and it made Hermione feel uneasy.

“What do you want me to do, Hermione? Do you want me to forgive you? Do you want me to say that everything is alright and carry on as if this never happened?” he asked sounding defeated.

“I know that we can’t carry on like this never happened, and I know that I’ve damaged the trust you have in me, but I would like to start again. Maybe we can start with friendship and see where it goes. All I know is that I love you and I never want to be with anybody but you. If you don’t want the same then tell me and I will let you go,” Hermione replied, her voice cracking at the thought.

He was silent for a few moments, and Hermione felt like she was nearly dying the entire time. Each second was agony, but when he spoke, she felt like she had been set free. “I love you, too, Hermione. It’s the reason why I proposed. But you’re right. I couldn’t carry on like it never happened. It did. But, the fact is I love you too much not to try again. Maybe we could try your idea of going from friends first and see where things can go from there,” he offered. “We’ve both been holding onto our pasts. Maybe it’s time we tried to let go of them and just be us; together,” Draco said quietly as he looked far off into the distance.

Hermione knew that Draco looking away only showed the truth of his words as he only did that if he was trying to say something and he didn’t want you to see his emotions. “That sounds good to me,” Hermione said taking his hand in hers.

“What do you want to do now?” he asked turning towards her again.

“Anything, as long as I am with you it doesn’t matter.”

 

_Three years later_

Hermione walked into the Silver Dragon and was completely surprised to see all of her friends there.

She had thought that Draco was taking her out to dinner and did not expect him to arrange a birthday party for her.

“You look shocked, Hermione.” Draco commented as he held a glass of wine out for her.

“I am a little,” she admitted taking the glass, a bright smile on her face. “I had no idea you had done this.”

“I’m glad I can still surprise you,” he said giving her a chaste kiss on the lips.

The couple went and greeted everyone with happy smiles.

Over the past three years their relationship had only grown stronger and both of them had grudgingly realised that what happened was a good thing as they probably would not have lasted if it didn’t.

They had learned to become more honest with their feelings and especially if they felt insecure over something. The other would always try and soothe the fear and if necessary compromise to lessen it. It was one of the things which had helped strengthen their relationship. They still had the occasional fight and storm out, but they now fought for their relationship, not about it.

“I just need to do something quickly, love. I will be back soon,” Draco told her and hurried away. Hermione watched him approach the DJ and say something. The song cut out which earned a few groans from her friends.

“Sorry everyone, but I wanted to do this before you all get too drunk,” he said responding to the ‘boos’ and ‘spoilsport’s’ coming from the people gathered.

Hermione realised that something was a little off with him. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but he seemed nervous somehow.

“We are all here to celebrate Hermione’s birthday, but I also want to celebrate something else. Please come up, Hermione,” he asked looking at her.

Hermione walked towards him not knowing quite what to expect, and was even more shocked when he bent down on one knee.

“Hermione, it’s taken us a long time to get here. A lot of fighting and making up. A lot of good and bad. But I love you. More than anything and more than I ever believed possible. Will you do me the honour of marrying me?” Draco asked looking into her eyes.

“Yes, yes I will marry you!” she replied happily, not even having to think about her answer. Draco stood up, pulled her close, and kissed her passionately.

Hermione didn’t care that all their friends were there watching, all she cared about was the fact she was in his arms.


End file.
